I Won't
by AlchemyFreak0218
Summary: If i told you anything I'd ruin it. Very sad. No summary available. Rated T for language. Ed X Win three chapters, very short. slightly OOC
1. I Won't Tell You

"I Won't" Depressing, there's your warning. :3 three short chapters. Al has his body back, Mei exists, but Edward is 15 still. fuck logic.

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I won't tell you

Edward was depressed. But Winry knew that he was ALWAYS depressed. He had been for years, he hid it well but she could still see it. Now. Now it was like he had given up on hiding it, like he was showing just how sad he truly was. He had gotten Al's body back, he was ecstatic. For a little while. When Al moved to Xing with Mei, Edward returned to his depression.

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Winry steeled her nerves in the kitchen, Edward sitting sideways with his knees towards his chest in the recliner in the living room. She was going to ask him, no, DEMAND him to answer her question. She sighed quietly and entered the living room, sitting on her knees in front of the recliner, Edward's head facing sideways like his body, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Ed...?" Winry asked quietly, almost afraid he would break or burst into tears. Edward hummed softly in response, not looking at her. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. "...Why are you depressed...?" She question finally, flinching when Edward did. "Don't tell me your not either...please, you can tell me anything Ed..." She said firmly, ending in a soothing voice when Edward jerked slightly, he seemed so fragile now. Silence. It drove Winry insane. They simply looked at each other until Edward finally said, almost too soft to be heard.

"Living...hurts..." Winry's eyes widened, she couldn't process it, she just couldn't.

"W-what...?" Edward arched his neck back into the recliner for a moment before saying it again.

"Living on...it just hurts, Winry..." Winry stood up higher on her knees and rested her hands on his lower leg.

"Why...?" She whispered, Edward had never told her anything about how he felt, she was terrified that this was the first thing to come.

"Everything just hurts...i'm in pain..." Winry could feel herself tearing up.

"Physically...?" She asked, hoping that that was all it was, and that she could fix it. She loved him, she hated to see him leave, hated to see him in pain or suffering in guilt, and hated that he couldn't see it.

"And mentally..." He said quietly, sinking into his legs.

"Where do you hurt? Why didn't you tell anyone?" She asked, worried for him, angry he didn't tell her sooner, saddened he didn't trust her enough to tell her.

"...You said that pain in my ports would be normal..." Winry gasped, she DID say that...

"Your ports hurt?"

"It's agonizing...that's why I have a high pain tolerance...but it still hurts...the guilt...the memories...just my entire LIFE...causes me horrible, intolerable pain..." Winry bit her lip and let the tears fall. She swore her heart stopped when she heard his say, nearly silent. "...I want to die..." Winry jerked and grabbed his legs, swinging him around so she could look him in the eyes.

"What?" Edward finally looked her in the eyes, Winry wanting to cry at the soulless, empty look to them.

"...I know you heard me..." Winry bit her lip and hugged him tight.

"Why!" She cried, not wanting to believe it, she couldn't, it would kill her. "No...you're lying...!"

"I'm not. I want to die, Winry..." Winry gripped him as hard as she could,

"You're stronger than-"

"I'm not strong at all, Winry...I'm really not."

"What could cause you to...?"

"I won't tell you...you could never comprehend it..."

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chapter one R&R Thx!


	2. I Won't Let You

Second one!

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I Won't Let You

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He glanced at the door, she wouldn't be up for at least forty minutes, she was cooking dinner. He sighed quietly to himself and reached under his bed, it was a gift from Riza, he almost felt bad for using it as he was about to. He looked solemnly at the pistol in his hand, never used, but polished to a shine. He could see the black bags under his eyes, the soulless look in them. 'I look like shit.' he commented quietly, wanting to laugh but couldn't find it in himself. He slowly cocked it, getting a feel for it before pulling out the cartridge. He leaned down under his bed and pulled out the small bullet case. He pulled out a single bullet, turning in his fingers, his cold, unfeeling, repulsive, metal fingers. He carefully slid it in, not aware of his door creaking open as he did. He DID notice when Winry was suddenly slapping the now loaded gun out of his human hand and pinning him to the bed. He had his eyes closed until a drop of water hit his cheek. He opened his dead eyes and saw she was crying. 'Like that will help how I feel...' He thought bitterly. Winry was shaking, her hold strong but he knew he could break it so easily.

"Why...?" Winry asked, not looking him in the eyes. He rolled his eyes, was he not clear earlier?

"I gave all information you need to know Winry." Winry looked him in the eyes,

"But what about me! What about Al! Mustang, Riza, what about them?" He grit his teeth and glared, making Winry jerk. He sat up slightly.

"Why..." Winry tilted her head, he sat up more and began to raise his voice, "Why...why can't** I** be selfish for once?" Winry bit her lip and he sat up completely before she fell off the bed, he stood on his knees on the bed, hissing the words. "I've been as selfless as I could, trying to get Al's body back! I tried to be the perfect soldier! I promised you I'd come back to you. I don't WANT to live for you!" Winry jerked again, "I don't WANT to live for Al, nor Mustang, nor Riza! I want to be selfish for once! I want to do what** I** want to do, not what **you** expect! I want freedom from this **hell**!" Winry cried silently, Edward sighing and laying on the bed, grabbing the gun above his head. "I didn't plan on doing this with an audience." He cocked the gun, Winry on him again. "I told you I'm not stopping fo-" He froze as she kissed him, it was short and Winry was soon hiding in his chest again.

"Please...please don't...I love you and I don't want to live without you...please..." His hand shook and dropped the gun. He pushed her off and groaned, gripping his hair.

"DAMN IT WINRY! Why must you make this so difficult!" He said desperately, tears coming to his eyes in the first time in years,k he let them flow. Anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, all pouring from him in one single moment. He felt weak, he felt horrible, he felt broken. He couldn't stop, the tears continued to flow, they wouldn't stop. He was dimly aware of Winry holding his shoulders, his hands covering his eyes, he shook as the emotions ran wild for the first time in too long. Winry held him tightly, letting her own tears flow against his shoulder. He could've done it, he would've, he SHOULD'VE, but no. Winry had to say that, had to say the thing that could save him...or that he thought could save him. As he relaxed, he slowly realized, the thing he needed to hear for so long, could no longer free him from his pain...

It was too late.

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ONE MORE CHAPTER! and no this wont end happily...well wait...depending on your term of happy...R&R Thx!


	3. I Won't Let You do it, Alone

i'm back and ready to finish this sad sad fic! Final chapter here we go!

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I Won't let you do it, alone.

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Winry got up after a few minutes of Edward calming down and went to finish dinner. He sat motionless for countless minutes, thinking about his discovery. He sat on his knees, holding his head with both hands, slightly hunched over himself, residual tears dropping every so often.

"...Not even that can save me anymore...can it...?" He said quietly, more of statement than a question. No. It couldn't, had she said it a few years ago, yes, but it was far too late now. The world had done it's toll, he'd payed the full price of his sins, and he was finished. Edward's breath slowed from it's increased pace during his emotional breakdown, he felt more controlled, but still unable to be saved. He sighed silently, knowing that Winry was going to cry over him, but staying alive for her, or Al or anyone, would only increase his own agony. He slowly stood from his position and wiped the drips near his chin before looking back, dead eyed, at the pistol. He, very slow, picked it up again, feeling the weight of his inevitable doom. A click was heard behind him and he sighed again. "Forgive me Winry, but-" As he turned to face her he nearly dropped his pistol. Winry stood, looking sad but understanding, holding one of the huge knives from the kitchen. "W-what...?" He stuttered before making his own assumption, his eyes darkening in sadness, "If you want to kill me feel free to do so, I won't stop you, I deserve it for the countless times I made you cry after all." Winry shook her head, smiling a little.

"No, I'm not going to kill you Ed. But I won't let you do this." He simply gave her a look, was she truly going to try to stop him?

"If you believe you can stop me then don't even both-"

"No that's not it." Winry replied quickly, making him arch a brow. "I won't let you do this, ALONE." His eyes widened and he shook his head, Winry nodding in return, walking towards him until they were nearly toe to toe. "I don't want to live without you, so I won't." He could feel tears forming again, "You won't be able to talk me out of it Ed. If you go, I'll be right behind you." He swallowed heavily.

"...You jump...I jump..." He said quietly, Winry humming in agreement. He looked down at his feet for a moment before walking towards the bed. He knelt down and pulled out a second pistol. He walked back and held it out to Winry. "...Very well then, but this will be painless. I Won't let you cause yourself pain over me, never again." Winry nodded and took it from him, cocking it and looking to him. He sighed and cocked his own, putting it to his temple. Winry smiled and grabbed his hand, he felt a few tears spill out. He squeezed her hand nodded to her. Winry took and deep breath and began,

"One," He understood,

"Two." The looked each other dead in the eyes and whispered,

"Three." They never heard the shots, their ears only rang in a high pitched tone. He remembers reaching out for her on the ground, barely touching her hand before he was gone. It was the last thing he saw, the final thing he felt, and the last thing he knew.

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R&R Thank you.


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